The Repenting Pharisee

Pharisee art thou? Hypocrite in fact!
Thou reason deep in thy heart as thou sat
In high places that should thou not enter
Into the kingdom of heavens, neither
Will thou allow those whom I love that are
Entering; hogging the limelight to bar
those of pure hearts. And thou sealed off the door
To My kingdom, so that those who are poor
In spirit may be shut out just like thee.
Woe to thee scribe! Woe to thee Pharisee!

Lord, forgive me of my treacherous soul.
I convinced myself that those brothers, though
Loveth by Thee, yet they are unworthy
To be kings with cities to oversee.
Remove, Lord, this despising element
Deeply entrenched and evilly fervent
In me that I may have my heart renewed
And my stubborn thoughts completely reviewed.
Pharisee I am! Wretched scribe I am!
Cleanse me, O Lord, with the blood of the Lamb.

Woe unto thee! Theologian art thou?
Man of letters and faith didst thou avow?
Letters thou uphold, the Spirit thou quench!
Death thy companion and all of its stench!
And thou, scribe, with much pretense, praise My name
In large congregations to boost thy fame.
Sham actor! Thou’d be cast into darkness
‘Til thou confess, “H’sanna in the highest!”
Yet thou will not, will thou? Certainly not!
Thou, wretched fool, had ne'er My glory sought.

Woe be unto me, my Lord and my God!
Purge every evil thought and every plot
As I have sinned greatly, Lord, in Thy eyes.
Forgive my iniquities and my lies
Within Thy temple, divine and holy...
Renew, Lord, a right spirit within me.
Soli Deo Gloria! – my earnest cry
And, Lord, may my soul-life Thou crucify.
Let no vain glories remain; only dost
Now proclaim, “Hosanna in the highest!”

Woe unto thee, Pharisee, hypocrite!
To sea and land to make one proselyte;
And when he becometh one, thou make him
Twice as worse, and his future twice as grim.
Thou preach the gospel to gain a beachhead
That men may see thy zealousness instead!
Hypocrite! Thou irreverent creature!
Only caring for thy selfish stature!
Where then justice, mercy, and faithfulness?
Do them and the others in completeness.

O Yahweh, my Father God, Almighty,
Unto the uttermost I had failed Thee.
Where, O God, did this prideful self come from?
Despicable acts I considered norm!
May I witness Thee according to Thee,
For Thy kingdom, Thy church and not for me.
And do justice, mercy, and faithfulness,
And depart from a life of lawlessness –
May the tablets be inscribed in my heart,
That I may have in righteousness a part.

Woe unto thee, thou hypocrite and scribe!
For thou indulge in extortion and bribe.
Thou cleanse the dish and cup on the outside,
But full of filth and sin on the inside.
Wash first the inside of the dish and cup,
Next the outside shall also be cleaned up.
But thou, as always, in stubborn pretense
Will allow not thy heart with water cleanse.
Hence I shall visit thy iniquities
And my wrath upon thee shall never cease!

I am just a sinner, worthy of death!
Guilty of choosing and treading this path;
A disdainful glutton and debauchee,
Blinded by self-deceit and much envy.
And feigning godliness on the outside
Yet in abominable sins abide.
Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me,
I pray, open my eyes that I may see;
Shine on me that I may walk in Thy light
And, Lord, save me from my pitiful plight.

Woe unto thee! Thou scribe and Pharisee,
Hypocrite! Tell Me, who shall rescue thee,
Thou whited sepulchre, how beautiful
In outward appearance, yet within full
Of dead men’s bones, and of uncleanesses?
Depart from Me, worker of lawlessness,
For I, the Lord, does not recognise thee;
Though thou dost appear righteous and holy
But thou, scribe, art filled with hypocrisy
For thy wish, hope and goal is self-glory.

O Lord, God Almighty, the King of kings;
Thy voice I heard and in my ears they ring,
That with grave unrighteousness I am filled,
And the life-tree had for long from me sealed.
Rightly have Thou spoken concerning me:
I am entombed in infidelity.
Who, then, shall deliver me from this path?
For I have sinned and its wages are death!
Create in me a clean heart and renew
A right spirit in me for Thee to fill.

Thy final woe, blind scribe, woe unto thee!
Thou murdered My prophets mercilessly.
As they thou slaughter and their graves thou built,
Where is thy sense of justice and of guilt?
Yet thou will declare with misplaced boldness:
“We shall never be fellow partakers
Of the blood of the prophets whom our
Fathers killed; not even my own father.”
Serpents! Brood of vipers! How then shall thou
Escape the judgement of Gehenna now?

With what shall I ease my conscience, dear Lord
For I scourged and killed the prophets of God.
Thou sent Thy prophets here to plant the seed
Yet to their – Thy words – I never took heed.
Although with my mouth I adorn their graves;
Yet my heart their deaths doeth secretly craves
That I their voices may thus extinguish
That my joy in sin shan’t ever finish
O Lord, what a wretched person I am!
Cleanse me wholly with the blood of the Lamb.

Eirenei humin, for thou repented.
Have faith for I bought thee with My own blood.
I will cure thee from sinful condition
And fellowship in full restoration.
Rejoice, all ye angels, and be merry!
Yea, for My son has now return to me.
He who was dead and is alive again;
Was lost but now in My bosom remain.
Take courage, My child, thy faith hath healed thee,
Thy sins forgiven and take rest in Me.

Steven Foong, 23rd January 2002.

Teenage Lethargy: Don’t Blame it on the Youths

I have been involved in adolescence work since I entered the age of majority, which is 18 in Malaysia although, technically, I was still a teenager. That reality was lost on me and perhaps not very apparent to my co-workers as well. The most probable explanation, I suppose, was that help was (and still is) hard to come by and any volunteer IS a volunteer.

Because I worked with teenagers while a teenager myself, I was able to understand their needs better than my older co-workers. As I grew into my twenties, I began to sense that I was no longer very much in sync with them as I used to be. A generation gap had appeared!

In order to remain relevant to the new generation of teenagers, I kept myself up-to-date with youth culture. It helped a lot that I’m a techie so I’m always acquainted with the latest gadgets and computer games. Throughout the years then, I have become very sensitive to changes in youth culture in this postmodern world and appreciate the need to connect and work with them on their level.

But by doing so, I ran into problems with my co-workers. An experience more than a year ago was a case in point.

I was serving the youth group of a local congregation. They belong to a family of congregations that, in my estimation, blossomed during the Jesus People movement. However, unlike most Christian groups that prospered around the 60s-70s, they traced their origin to people who were very strict in their discipline. As such, they were more conservative than the Jesus freaks of the hippy era.

For some reasons, the lifestyle did not change much since those days. The formal dress code, the conservative music, and the worldview – it ran the gamut. This was the environment that their teenagers were in. On the first weekend after I signed up as youth counsellor (which they call "serving one"), I felt a bit intimidated. Clad in t-shirt, jeans and loafers, I was feeling under-dressed for the occasion.

The sense of intimidation was not because I did not know the group’s mechanism – for I grew up in similar settings (group dynamics evolved since I was last here). Rather it was because I had spent many years working with other youth groups who do not share its characteristics and the feeling of here we have a group of teenagers behaving so differently from the social context of, say, their school environment really got to me. Could it be that these kids from the iPod generation somehow found relevance also in late 20th century Puritanism (for lack of better term)?

So I sat through the first few Saturdays observing whether the teenagers were really into the programme. Who knows? For all I know, they might be enjoying it. After all, they do come every Saturday! Surely, I do not have the monopoly over what is enjoyable to adolescents, do I?

But it didn’t take long for me to come to the conclusion that the kids were there because their parents mandated their presence. They were bored and found the meetings irrelevant. Some could even present sophisticated theology but could not answer simple questions like, “Do you believe there’s God?” when I asked individually during supper. One answered, "I don't know whether I believe".

I prayed and received the sense that we needed to do something to contextualise the message of the Bible and the Christian experience to them. There was verbal support from the congregation’s elder but what ensued was tragic (at least from my perspective).

Seeing that they dressed like every other normal teenager when not in church gatherings, I decided not to observe the de facto dress code of shirt (usually long sleeve and white), dark long pants, leather shoes and the optional neck tie for boys and blouse + ankle length skirt for girls. To be fair, however, I must add that apparel and the other matters mentioned below are not compulsory in nature for this congregation. But enough positive encouragements are given in this direction that it’s difficult to have room for another.

I also moved the worship away from Horatius Bonar and Isaac Watts, which I ever appreciate, and opted for more contemporary numbers. Now, “more contemporary” is a relative term. I do not even mean Darlene Zschech or the Planetshakers. What I meant was more like Jack W. Hayford. You get the idea.

I was unable to move away, however, from their jargon-filled materials where the diction was so esoteric that few of the teenagers actually understood the meaning of the words, much less the message. We were called to present the Gospel to high school kids, not Dr. College Professor. So every week I have to find ways to unpack the message and tried to contextualise it to their school or family life. Admittedly, I was not always successful.

After a couple of months, I began to see some changes in attitude towards the Saturday meeting and towards God. There were those who were finding relevance of Christ in their lives and, of course, they were also those who were still drifting away. But I felt that positive developments were taking place.

Apparently, these moves were too revolutionary for some. I was described as being too loose and worldly, among other pejoratives. I have expected these oppositions. However, when things got out of hand and when people were more interested in my modus vivendi than whether the youths are now more drawn to Christ, I knew I have lost moral authority as far as some of the parents and youths were concerned.

Heavy-heartedly, I withdrew from that ministry and wished them well. Until today, on the one hand, I am bemused that church leaders are wondering why their younger generations are so disinterested and pray for breakthrough and, on the other hand, it pains me to observe the boredom in the eyes of these high school students who are wishing that the clock would tick away quicker. Jesus Christ, to them, is nothing more than a boring but compulsory inconvenience.

There were many times I thought of stepping in to intervene or to give subtle hints but I am reminded that playing a different tune on non-essential matters in a local congregation is a major reason for church division.

One thing that I find hard to understand is why some of the other youth fellowships in this family of congregations do not exhibit the same characteristics. I found that there are youth fellowships that understand youth culture relatively better. Could it be that, perhaps, besides blaming systemwide behaviour (although evidence also points in this direction) we should also explore whether local individuals may have contributed to these youths’ lethargy.

I also find that many Christian groups are experiencing difficulties in connecting to their youths. Numerous books have been written about it - the latest stream of thoughts seem to come from the emergent crowd with their post-Christian propositions. These are steps forward in the right direction.

The 21st century is a globalised world with ever liberating technologies at the fingertips of the youths. Youth culture is one of the most fleeting subject where something that was the talk of town one season will be cliché ad nauseam the next. The local church and her ministries exist within certain cultural context and it is incumbent on church leaders to continuous acquaint themselves with it, especially the more fluid youth component, if they want to remain relevant to their community. Otherwise, don't blame it on the youths if they are lethargic towards God.

Repented Pharisee

The term "Repented Pharisee" is both painful and comforting to me. Painful because it reminds me of my Pharisaic tendencies. Comforting because of the knowledge that God is always faithful to guide me to repentance and the subsequent reconciliation to Him.

Obviously, I am using the word “Pharisee” in the pejorative sense as found in the context of the Gospels. Some people immediately associate Pharisees with those who received impeccable theological education. Because Jesus rebuked the Pharisees, some view theologians with suspect. This view is incorrect.

It is true that the Pharisees in the Gospels were well-versed with scripture. However, it was not their theological pursuit that Jesus disapproved. Rather, it was their hypocrisy, pride, legalism, and rejection of the incarnated Word, Jesus Christ, that was condemned. These were the people who thanked God for not sinning like their neighbours and loved to be praised for their holiness and devoutness. They were blinded with pride and hypocrisy. They had an air of superiority. They thought they were all that.

I suppose there was nothing wrong for a Jew to join the Pharisee sect. In fact, given the circumstances of those times, I find it commendable. But the Pharisees, whom Jesus describe as being blinded, should have flocked to Him when the scriptures they so painstakingly memorised are all pointing to Him to be the Messiah. But they did not.

I consider myself a Pharisee because of what I have learned from young. Unfortunately, like the biblical Pharisees, I too fell into the trappings of hypocrisy. On the one hand, I thundered righteousness to others. On the other, I indulged in sin. I would pretend up a holy living in front of others but secretly lived a double life.

I also felt superior to my peers and scorned at their ignorance and was disdainful of their public sins. I thought that I would never sin like they did.

The worst of it all, while I was able to articulate much concerning God and His will, I had neither many experiences of His presence nor was submissive to His biddings.

One day, by His mercy, He showed me how little time I spent in fellowship with Him. I was made to realise that beyond the facade, I have nothing Christ-like to show for. Neither had I grown in Him. I remained the “Bible Boy” (that’s what some older Christians called me) who was far away from Jesus.

The repentance that ensued was painful and with plenty of tears. The sense of forgiveness and reconciliation after that was the most joyful thing in my life. I wrote a poem entitled “Repented Pharisee” to commemorate that day and it was then that I began to use this phrase.

A couple of years passed and I was again feeling invulnerable. Pride began to creep in and the air of superiority returned with a vengeance. People were praising me for my eloquence in the Word and diligence in my faith. I was primed for a long and windy fall.

The fall came and hit me so hard that I almost turned apostate. It was so traumatic that I can still feel it today, even after some years now. God was nowhere to be found and would not even lend a finger to lift me up. It seemed that God would not hear my pleas for forgiveness and that He had shut His ears and thrown me out with the trash. I felt totally abandoned and rejected by God and I gave up trying for even I would not forgive myself if I were God.

So I spent a year or two with a depressed conscience and without God. Although I have stopped my evil lifestyle, the repercussions continued to build up. If God would not help me, I would solve it myself. The problems kept compounding and eventually became unmanageable. My life was a living hell. The monster I created now even haunts my family.

I was crushed. I was completely defeated. My world was crumbling around me. As the events of those two years climaxed and were coming home to roost, I cried for God to help once more and this time He did – and He did so at the most urgent moment. All of a sudden, everything seemed to take care of itself. The aftershocks remained for yet another half a year but they were manageable. It dawned on me that the solution to the 500 pound gorilla problem was prepared since a fortnight earlier and the all-problem-solving phone call only came after I capitulated to God. I finally understood the meaning of God’s sovereignty.

I learned something so real and precious that I will not ever forget. I learned that the moment God withdraws His grace from me, I will sin like the worst of men. I learned that I didn’t fall to such an extent prior to this was simply an act of undeserved favour from the loving God and not because of my strength and resolve.

This experience taught me that I have nothing to boast except Christ. It helped me to be more understanding and sympathetic when counselling others, being subconsciously reminded of my own failures all the time.

Since then, I had more cycles of ups and downs dealing with different aspects of my life. Although the poem was “Repented Pharisee”, in hindsight, it should have been “Always Repenting Pharisee”.